Hello All,
For my first post I wanted to share my husbands story as well as mine. Unlike a lot of people who are in recovery from their spouses addiction, I knew of his struggle before we got married. He told me of his past, and present, when we had been dating for about 2 weeks. His story may sound familiar, because so many have been exposed in the same way.
The first time my husband was exposed to pornography was when he was 11 years old. He was at school and some of the boys in his class decided it would be fun to have him watch it too. This sparked a curiosity in that little 11 year old boy that would follow him for the rest of his life. From 11 to about 14 he would watch occasionally, but it didn’t control or consume his life. Then he started his freshman year of high school. On top of all the craziness that high school brings, he also had debilitating migraines a minimum of 2 times a week often though it was more like every day. The only distraction he could find was in pornography. This continued for a for years, the migraines lessened, but the resulting addiction did not. Finally, when he was 16, he decided he was done living in a lie and told his parents about his problems, and sought to get the help he needed. Over the next two years he went to counseling as well as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint’s addiction recovery program (ARP) . When he was 18 he was able to worthily serve a full time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. However, about 11 months into his mission he got extremely sick and had to come home. This is when his addiction started again, though he was much more prepared and able to try and overcome it. 3 months later he went to college and that is where we met. We started going to ARP together. I went to the wives and family support meetings, and he went to the addiction recovery meetings. We still go every Tuesday and love the lessons and support we get when we attend. We were able to get married in the temple 3 months ago, and even though this is a constantly daily battle, we get to battle together.
My story is similar, but not the same, as my husbands. I was exposed to pornography when I was 11. It was more about curiosity than anything. this curiosity led to a few very hard years of my life. I struggled on and off with not watching it, the whole time falling further and further into a pit of shame. I started drinking and doing drugs to mask the pain and shame of my pornography use. Finally, my senior year, I decided enough was enough. I was able to stop cold turkey, which is a complete miracle and blessing, because I was not ever addicted. I fully believe Heavenly Father gave me that struggle so that I would be able to understand and help my husband, as well as others who are going through the same trials.
Our relationship has not been easy, no relationship ever is, and this addiction doesn’t help. It is often hard to not feel at fault for his relapses, or to be angry and hurt by them. It is hard to feel like I am not enough for him, even though I logically know this is not true. However, as I learn more and more each day, and hear other storied of strength, I am able to start to overcome the hurt and pain, and to begin loving my husband more than I ever could before.
While this may be an unpopular belief, I wouldn’t trade my life or my husband, and the trials that come along with his addiction for anything. We have grown stronger and closer as as a couple, and I have learned more about myself than I ever could without this. I have gained lifelong friends through ARP, and I can hopefully start to help others who are going through this as well.
Wifeinrecovery2
Wives in Recovery 